Wow, this is not going to be easy but life as I know it is about to change again! I am coming to the end of what is likely to be my second and last maternity leave. Luckily, I have been through the process of returning to work after being out on maternity leave in 2008 after the birth of my first son, Brice so I know what to expect, right?
I thought I did and as a result this last week as I reflect back on my time off and anticipate the dreadful arrival of next Monday, I still can’t help but feel incredibly sad about not spending every wakeful moment with my 11 week old son, Cole.
Eleven weeks at home have flown by. When you factor in a week spent at the hospital, being snowed in for a couple of weeks, day after day of diaper changing, feedings every two hours, failing miserably to get Cole on a regular nap schedule, attempting to teach Cole the difference between day and night, chasing my toddler, Brice around the house, trying to squeeze in daily workouts for myself, constant burping and rocking as a result of Cole’s gassy stomach, I can see how the days blended together and within what seems like a blink of an eye, my precious time at home with Cole has expired.
Like many of you, I set extremely high expectations for my time off. Have the fence fixed, get the cars serviced, put together a journal for Cole, begin a photo album of the boys, clean out every closet in the house, meet up with several friends during the week, plan our summer vacation, set up 529 plans for the boys and attempt to keep up on my social media accounts. However, as I look back on my long list, I notice very few check marks. What did I get accomplished during my time off?
It would seem that nothing was accomplished during my short weeks at home. However, when faced with the question and feeling completely unproductive over the past 11 weeks, it hits me like a slap in the face. Wake up! Okay, that may be difficult because I have also been in a trance of sleeplessness and have often referred to these early days as the fog. However, as the fog subtly lifts and I lose sight of my “mommy brain” to get myself back in gear to face reality, I also wise up to the purpose of what I was actually suppose to accomplish during these past weeks. House projects, meet ups with friends, and travel plans are all irrelevant. Maternity leave is called “maternity” for a reason. My time off was to focus on building the bond between myself and my precious new son, Cole. The purpose of this precious time was to introduce him to his new world, get him comfortable with his surroundings, introduce him to various routines such as a sleep and eating schedules, settle him when he is fussy, read to him, sing songs to him, rest him on my stomach, log tummy time, smile at him, encourage him to coo and smile back. Each one of these milestones was a significant accomplishment for both Cole and me.
So I return to work with a long to do list that continues to grow. Some of the activities will eventually be addresses, others will be de-prioritized and eventually confirmed irrelevant. I am happy to admit that my "honey due" list was virtually ignored because it confirms that my time was wisely and emotionally spent building memories with Cole. Of course I am going to miss spending every day with Cole, but I know I will cherish each moment even more with him since our moments together will be more finite. I also know that returning to work is an inevitable milestone that needs to occur before Cole starts hitting many of his crucial goals like sleeping through the night, crawling, and walking. My husband equates my going back to work like running an out and back race, “you know you can’t reach the finish until you hit the turnaround.” My turnaround is returning to work and my finish line is infinite. Instead it is the miles and miles I have the opportunity to cover with Cole, his brother Brice and my husband Graham during our lifelong journey together. Although manic Monday awaits, I am excited to move onto our next phase together.
Ingredient Challenge
2 months ago
I've come to one irrefutable truth when it comes to children and work. The only constant in either is change. We are not the most organized family in the world. Work, soccer, dance, karate, staying ahead of wash, vacations, new website, etc... The smallest event can throw everything off balance. Take for instance a simple sleepover. You get your house completely clean. I mean immaculate. Your 8 year old wants to have a sleepover. First you have to deal with the wrath of the 13 year old that questions the wisdom behind allowing the 8 year old to have a sleepover while the 13 year old is not allowed to go out with his friends or have his friends over that same night. After much thought and discussion you come back with the line that parents have used for centuries, "Because I said so, thats why!" So, you now have the 8 year olds to deal with all night. We typically try to isolate the disaster to one floor of our home, and preferably one room. That only works sometimes and two boys hyped up on treats, video games, and the natural enthusiasm that comes with a sleepover means that the night will run way beyond the standard bedtime hour and the following morning will yield a trashed room and two terribly sleep 8 year olds. Both 8 year olds have soccer later that day. After the "sleepover high" begins to wear off neither wants to go, both are cranky and neither wants to rest. You get where this is headed.. everday is a version of manic Monday. If you've ever seen the movie Parenthood you'll recognize the analogy taken from that movie... Having a family is like riding a roller coaster. There will be ups and downs, turns and loops but at the end, when you look back, the whole thing was one smile inducing adventure.
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