I "Get" To

I get to take my kids to daycare. I get to fix them breakfast and dinner everyday. I get to wake up in the middle of the night to feed my 3 month old. I get to go to the grocery store every Sunday. I get to do laundry on the weekends. I get to work and commute in traffic. I get to run and exercise when I can. I get to change dirty diapers.

Did I start my sentences correctly? It sounds strange to me as I read these statements back to myself. What is different? I changed one simple word in each of these tasks that are on my automatic to do list. It is amazing that by changing “have” to “get” how much the meaning of the statement changes.

It really did not dawn on me just how much I was assuming a negative approach to my daily activities until this past week after reading the article, “Feeling Lucky” by Kristen Armstrong (Lance Armstrong’s ex wife) in the May issue of Runner’s World. I suppose I really don’t “have” to do anything other than breathe and eat and drink to fuel my body. Sure that sounds oversimplified, but think about how many activities we elect or get to do every single day that we take for granted.

The article was timely. The article came into my lap just a few days after learning that a close family friend has been diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer. A seemingly healthy, and active father, husband, colleague, son, coach and neighbor diagnosed with cancer. Unfortunately, it typically takes sad news to encourage us to reevaluate ourselves and put things in perspective. On a positive note, this same week I learned that another friends’ 15 month old son has no brain damage after undergoing an MRI that was recommended by doctors to give clarity on their sons slow progress with attaining many infant and toddler milestones. Bracing for bad news, my friend was in shock to learn that her son’s brain is completely normal and that his setbacks are likely only temporary and he is on his way to live a very long, healthy and happy life.

It is not like I needed a reminder just how cruel life can be or just how quickly life can change. I know I am not unlike many of you who have experienced tragedy and has had to remind myself just how lucky I am to have my family, my health, my friends, and my career which all give me the opportunity to do the things I love, like, tolerate or even dislike. There are many people who would love to go to the grocery store and purchase groceries for their family, but can’t because they do not have enough money. There are others who would give anything to be able to jog up a single hill, but can’t because they are paralyzed. There are many people who would love to change their baby’s diaper, but can’t because they lost their baby to a tragedy.

So now that I have depressed you, hopefully I can change your mindset by encouraging you to re-evaluate your daily tasks, take into consideration those less fortunate than you and remind yourself of every single think you “get” to do in a day, week, month, year or lifetime. I bet your list adds up to a lot of “gets” and very few “have” to’s. I hope I can inscribe this new mantra into my daily routine by reminding myself the next time I am feeling tired, overworked, over played, worn out, and unproductive, that I am the luckiest person in the world to “get” to change a diaper, prepare for a presentation, sit in traffic, cook dinner, or do laundry.

To view Kristen Armstrong’s article, “Feeling Lucky” in the May issue of Runner’s World go to http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-243-297--13480-0,00.html

Family Activity Night

I was inspired to pull together some ideas for a weekly family activity night by a recent email received from a family friend (thanks Barbara). My friend, whose kids are now in high school and college reminisced about her weekly activity night with her “babies” after one of my previous blogs triggered her fond memories of these special evenings. She relayed how Monday nights were designated a special night for a family picnic in their living room. She said that her family replicated an outdoors picnic by “literally spreading a blanket on the floor-- we would either carry out stuff (McDonald’s of course!)--or carry out from our favorite local restaurant- McLean Family--- or whatever-- but we made it a tradition every Monday night.” Despite her kids being all grown up, to this day they remember their Monday family evenings with such happiness.

It does not matter what night of the week your family designates or what activities you decide to do together on family activity night. Instead, what is important is establishing at least one special night a week to do something together. I think establishing the same night every week to ensure a routine is also important. Weeks go by too quickly and despite everyone’s good intentions to carve out family time weekly, it becomes difficult to ensure this quality time is shared if it is not part of a routine.

There are so many things you can do as part of family activity night. Your family might enjoy establishing a weekly tradition of doing the same thing each week during your designated family activity night. Perhaps there is a special game everyone enjoys playing. If playing games are something your family enjoys doing together, perhaps family activity night becomes family game night. Other ideas for the weekly activity night might be a family movie night, TV dinner night or pizza night. Pizza night could be replaced with any special food your family craves that otherwise would likely not be at the top of a Jenny Craig diet plan. Maybe your family would like to have a reading night where you take a book and read it aloud as a family. If the kids are old enough, each can take turns reading aloud a portion of the book. You could visit a special playground together, take a family walk, or attempt something else outside. Alternatively, you could use the activity night to bake or cook something new that is shared amongst yourselves or delivered to a neighbor, friend, relative or prepared for classmates.

If your family is indecisive and likes to try many different activities, you might try what my husband and I use to refer to as “picking from the bag”. Even before the kids were born, we use to have a weekly “pick from the bag” night where we would collect a list of activities that we enjoyed doing together. The list was cut up into individual pieces of paper each with a reference to an activity that we liked to do. Activities included names of special restaurants, ideas for meals to cook and a list of things to do like go to the movies, rent a movie, go out for dessert, take a walk, go to the pool, go to the driving range and other ideas. We liked the idea of having several choices, but also liked the spontaneity of not knowing exactly what was planned for the evening. We knew we were going to do something during our weekly “pick from the bag” night, but there was an element of surprise because we did not know what we’d be doing until it was time to start the activity. You can institute the same concept for your own family activity night. Simply, poll the family on activities that everyone enjoys and capture them on individual pieces of paper that you then collect in a jar or bag that is used to pick from weekly on family activity night.

There are so many things you and your family could do on your weekly family activity night and I anticipate many of you could come up with more creative activities than I have suggested. I hope you will share some of these ideas for your own family activity night. Don’t stress about what you do or spend a lot of time planning. Instead, the activity is really irrelevant. What really matters is that you and your family are spending time to together.

Back to Reality

Taking things one day at a time never had so much meaning to me as it did today. Doomsday as I was subconsciously referring to the day this past weekend came and went and I am left with a little downtime prior to going to bed to start the cycle all over again tomorrow.

I was dreading today, the first day of daycare for Cole, just shy of 11 weeks old. Luckily, the routine was not too unfamiliar since I have been dropping off Brice, almost 22 months at the same daycare since he was 9 weeks old. I know Cole will be extremely well cared for and Graham and I could not be happier with the facility and caregivers.

I tried not to think about taking Cole to daycare this morning and returning to work this past weekend. We kept a busy schedule of visiting the playground, dining out, watching movies, and grocery shopping to minimize the amount of downtime I would have to stress and contemplate the inevitable. The details of today never really distracted me until this morning around 3:30 a.m. I woke for the first time, but not to the cries of Cole who has only managed two full nights of sleep since his birth, but instead to my unsettled thoughts about returning to work, dropping Cole off at daycare and reminiscing on several weeks of enjoying bonding moments with Cole. Cole did manage to sleep through the night for the second straight night and for the third overall night since his birth. However, I lay in bed silent and motionless until the alarm startled us at 5:30, the earliest it has gone off since January 26th, Cole’s birthday. Adrenaline had pumped in so I sprung from bed with an agenda. I managed a shower, not such a bad start, followed by preparing Cole’s milks for daycare, setting up breakfast for everyone, feeding Roxy, our dog and then on to help Graham wake the boys and then get them dressed with a few minutes leftover for me to blow dry my hair (an even better start) and get myself ready to conquer the day.

Now off to daycare. Graham and I did the drop off together today. Graham took Brice into his classroom and I took Cole to introduce him to his new daily surroundings. Brice erupted at the site of his class as he does most Monday mornings. What can I say, we pack his weekends full of activities and the attachment anxiety typically sets in Monday mornings until we are out of sight? Despite the potential of an emotional breakdown, I decided to face it head on and volunteered to take Cole back to meet his caretakers. The process was pretty seamless since I was already familiar with the routine from when we dropped Brice off several months ago. After checking Cole in I did not linger around, instead I shuffled out of the building without turning back. I knew a double take would trigger my own meltdown.

I failed to mention that not only was this Cole’s first day of daycare and my return to work after 11 weeks, but also my first day on a new job. I felt like starting daycare and returning to work was not enough stress for the family so I thought I’d add some excitement by taking on the challenge of a new job which brings a whole list of unknowns to include new commute, new co-workers, new responsibilities, new expectations and of course new emotions. Insights on the new job are worth its own blog comments. It is just worth mentioning here to emphasize the heightened emotions experienced by me and the family on this momentous day.

Today actually went off without a hitch. I think we are well on our way to establishing our new long term routine. Although I missed Cole often and even had to prop up a couple of temporary pictures of Cole on my desk until I get frames for them, I selfishly relished in the little freedom I had to check email, respond to questions, do research and dare I say, feel productive. Until I win the lottery, I am not ready to quit my day job. Different strokes for different folks, but today reaffirmed that although I love my boys more than anything; I am okay with returning to the office. I can now appreciate the very best part of my day again, picking Brice and Cole up and giving them a hug at the end of the day.

Good-Bye Maternity Leave

Wow, this is not going to be easy but life as I know it is about to change again! I am coming to the end of what is likely to be my second and last maternity leave. Luckily, I have been through the process of returning to work after being out on maternity leave in 2008 after the birth of my first son, Brice so I know what to expect, right?

I thought I did and as a result this last week as I reflect back on my time off and anticipate the dreadful arrival of next Monday, I still can’t help but feel incredibly sad about not spending every wakeful moment with my 11 week old son, Cole.

Eleven weeks at home have flown by. When you factor in a week spent at the hospital, being snowed in for a couple of weeks, day after day of diaper changing, feedings every two hours, failing miserably to get Cole on a regular nap schedule, attempting to teach Cole the difference between day and night, chasing my toddler, Brice around the house, trying to squeeze in daily workouts for myself, constant burping and rocking as a result of Cole’s gassy stomach, I can see how the days blended together and within what seems like a blink of an eye, my precious time at home with Cole has expired.

Like many of you, I set extremely high expectations for my time off. Have the fence fixed, get the cars serviced, put together a journal for Cole, begin a photo album of the boys, clean out every closet in the house, meet up with several friends during the week, plan our summer vacation, set up 529 plans for the boys and attempt to keep up on my social media accounts. However, as I look back on my long list, I notice very few check marks. What did I get accomplished during my time off?

It would seem that nothing was accomplished during my short weeks at home. However, when faced with the question and feeling completely unproductive over the past 11 weeks, it hits me like a slap in the face. Wake up! Okay, that may be difficult because I have also been in a trance of sleeplessness and have often referred to these early days as the fog. However, as the fog subtly lifts and I lose sight of my “mommy brain” to get myself back in gear to face reality, I also wise up to the purpose of what I was actually suppose to accomplish during these past weeks. House projects, meet ups with friends, and travel plans are all irrelevant. Maternity leave is called “maternity” for a reason. My time off was to focus on building the bond between myself and my precious new son, Cole. The purpose of this precious time was to introduce him to his new world, get him comfortable with his surroundings, introduce him to various routines such as a sleep and eating schedules, settle him when he is fussy, read to him, sing songs to him, rest him on my stomach, log tummy time, smile at him, encourage him to coo and smile back. Each one of these milestones was a significant accomplishment for both Cole and me.

So I return to work with a long to do list that continues to grow. Some of the activities will eventually be addresses, others will be de-prioritized and eventually confirmed irrelevant. I am happy to admit that my "honey due" list was virtually ignored because it confirms that my time was wisely and emotionally spent building memories with Cole. Of course I am going to miss spending every day with Cole, but I know I will cherish each moment even more with him since our moments together will be more finite. I also know that returning to work is an inevitable milestone that needs to occur before Cole starts hitting many of his crucial goals like sleeping through the night, crawling, and walking. My husband equates my going back to work like running an out and back race, “you know you can’t reach the finish until you hit the turnaround.” My turnaround is returning to work and my finish line is infinite. Instead it is the miles and miles I have the opportunity to cover with Cole, his brother Brice and my husband Graham during our lifelong journey together. Although manic Monday awaits, I am excited to move onto our next phase together.